we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can I color on your dick again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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