# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
