yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Jerry, you need to find god
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
