Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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