Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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