Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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