You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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