I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
