i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
