There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize