last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
