Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
