hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this is an emotional support booty call
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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