The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
