We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
love makes seman taste better
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
