Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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