He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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