Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize