i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's shark week go big or go home
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
