Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
