Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm always down for nudity.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
