Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
