# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
