He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
