So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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