I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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