This dress was meant to end up on your floor
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize