I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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