Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
