Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
