Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
