Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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