Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
