A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize