So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
