I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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