I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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