omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
