I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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