just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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