i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
