so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
