Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
