This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
