bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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