How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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