wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize