In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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