Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
