the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's blow job season.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
