She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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