I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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