She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
