; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
