so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
