what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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