They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
