By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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