I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
