He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
