Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
