Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
