Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
