My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
