hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
