White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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