Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
