I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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