Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
