Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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