mondays should just be called national damage control day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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