My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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