He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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