Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
