She is in my trunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
