Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
