I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
