You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
