i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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