So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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