Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he shaved USA in his pubs
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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