It's Friday. Sex?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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