i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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