He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
