I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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