Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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