well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
