Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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