He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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