apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
