Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
