I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
