you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
