No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
