K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
