He told me they were just razor bumps!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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