where am i from again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
