God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I could fuck to npr.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize