For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
