ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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