It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
